Delusional Jealousy
Question
I think my boyfriend may have delusional jealousy. We have been together for over a year and his jealousy has always been an issue. Its getting worse as time goes on and it has become violent. He constantly questions me on my whereabouts and who I have been with. He outright accuses me of sleeping with random people I dont even know or worse with his brother, cousins or father! Its is completely irrational.
Most of the time it comes out of nowhere and is crazy in nature. He has woke me up out of my sleep before asking where Ive been when I hadn’t been anywhere. He also makes up lies hence the delusions…he will say I saw you do this or that—none of which are true. He questions any male I come into contact with. Most of the time the things he says are outright lies, which leads me to believe he is also a compulsive liar. He will say he saw with this man or that man which is a complete lie.
I have never, ever been unfaithful to him but I believe others in his past have been which adds to his anxiety I think. It became violent the other night and he was arrested for assault. That night there was no talking sense to him. He tells me he can’t help how he gets when those thoughts start brewing in his head, he cant control them. other times he speaks of harming himself for my supposed infidelity.
Any insight??
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Answer
Dellusional jealousy, as with any delusion, does not respond to reason or logic. I am sure you are telling the truth when you say that you are faithful. However, his head is fillled with unrealistic thoughts that make no sense. The fact that he is becoming violent is a red flag that you need to pay attention to.
Simply put, the fact that his thinking is so irrational puts you in danger of being harmed. It’s a no win situation for you. By denying being with anyone else can make him more angry because all he knows are his own thoughts and imaginings. The more you deny the more he thinks you are lying. That is why you are in danger of being abused by him. You see, his thinking is paranoid and there is no reasoning with a paranoid person. Paranoia makes people not only suspicous but potentially violent, too, and that is starting to happen.
In my opinion, since you are not married, you would be best off leaving this relationship. It can hold only grief for you in the future as it already does in the present. If you do not want to become a statistic of another woman being abused get away now. Please heed the warning signs and understand what you can expect if you stay with him.
Best of Luck
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